He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
