lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
