he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
