That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize