The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize