god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
