you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
