a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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