I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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