Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
