Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
