Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
