You're a womanizer and a bitch.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
