did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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