so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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