Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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