he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
