i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
