so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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