He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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