For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
