I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
