oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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