I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
