Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
