so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
