According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize