R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
