you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
