Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
