You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize