tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
