3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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