The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
