Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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