i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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