Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
