I want to have your abortion
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
