i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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