tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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