Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
they're like a gay fantastic four
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
