Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
How does it feel to date your dad?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
