shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
