Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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