I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
