In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
