Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Less talking, more tequila
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
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