We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
