I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize