i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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