Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
