I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
