Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
