Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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