i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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