No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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