So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
