i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
