What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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