I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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