Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
birth control should be required to get into college
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
