yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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