i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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