I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Randomize
