we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
