I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I am midnight drunk by noon
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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