Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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