Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
