i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
is it fun? or sober?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize