In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
