Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
