What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
